Attitudes and Behaviours of Men who use Violence
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Men who use violence against women and children often share the following characteristics:
INTIMIDATION AND VIOLENCE
- Resolves conflict with intimidation, bullying and violence
- Holds her down, restrains her from leaving a room, pushes or shoves.
- Uses threats and intimidation as instruments of control or abuse. This includes threats to harm physically, to defame, to embarrass, to restrict freedom, to disclose secrets, to cut off support, to abandon, to kidnap children and to commit suicide.
- Fear can be the most powerful means of control. Fear can be created through any behaviour which is used to intimidate you and which takes away your power. Forces children to watch the abuse of the victim or engages them in the abuse of the victim.
VERBALLY ABUSIVE
- Says things that are meant to be cruel and hurtful.
- Degrades her, curses her and/or minimises her accomplishments.
- May wake her up to yell at her or not let her go to sleep by yelling at her.
MINIMISES ABUSE
- Redefines a violent incident, for example, by saying, “It wasn’t that bad”, or, “I didn’t hit her that hard; she bruises easily.”
- Accuses her of exaggerating the abuse or of being crazy.
IF YOUR LIFE IS IN DANGER PLEASE CALL 000
SUBSTANCE ABUSE
- Cites alcohol or drug use as an excuse or explanation for hostile or violent conduct e.g., “That was the booze talking, not me; I got so drunk I was crazy.”
- Forces her to use drugs or alcohol.
BREAKS OR STRIKES THINGS IN ANGER
- Beats on tables with a fist, throws objects around or near her.
- Uses symbolic violence e.g., tearing a wedding photo, marring a face in a photo.
IF YOUR LIFE IS IN DANGER PLEASE CALL 000
HISTORY OF VIOLENCE
- Has been abusive in prior relationships.
- Has previous police encounters for behavioural offences e.g., threats, stalking, assault, rape.
PROJECTS BLAME
- Refuses to take responsibility for his actions.
- Blames his partner for his problems to justify the violence.
- Often blames other ethnic groups, co-workers or women in general for his problems.
CRUELTY TO CHILDREN
- Treats children cruelly or is insensitive to their suffering.
- Expects children to be capable of doing things far beyond their ability or teases children until they cry.
- Forces children to watch the abuse of the victim or engages them in the abuse of the victim.
CRUELTY TO ANIMALS
- Treats animals cruelly or is insensitive to their suffering.
IF YOUR LIFE IS IN DANGER PLEASE CALL 000
EXTREME JEALOUSY
- Becomes jealous of anyone or anything that takes her time away from their relationship. “If I can’t have you, nobody will.”
- Requires her to account for all of her time.
- Accuses her of flirting or of having affairs.
- Calls her frequently at work or refuses to let her go to work.
CONTROLLING BEHAVIOUR
- Makes all the decisions about the house, joint finances, her clothing, or where they go and who they can or cannot visit.
- Is extremely impatient and might exhibit poor impulse control. Believes his needs and wants should be fulfilled immediately.
- Uses money to control her activities, purchases and behaviour.
ISOLATION
- Cut her off from resources.
- Accuses people who support her of causing trouble.
- May not let her use the car, work or go to school.
DR. JEKYLL AND MR. HYDE
- Has sudden and extreme changes in mood.
- Is alternately loving and abusive.
- Can behave explosively.
IF YOUR LIFE IS IN DANGER PLEASE CALL 000
RAPE OR USE OF FORCE IN SEX
- Has no concern about whether she wants to have sex.
- Uses sulking, anger, harassment or coercion to manipulate her into compliance with sexual demands.
- Forces her to have sex while she is sleeping or demands sex when she is ill, injured after a beating or soon after childbirth.
SPIRITUAL AND RELIGIOUS ABUSE
- Misuses religious passages or beliefs to reinforce abuse e.g., emphasising her forgiveness and not his repentance and responsibility.
- Manipulates her religious beliefs or spiritual values e.g., refusing to allow her to attend church or spiritual gatherings or claiming that she is condemned and unwanted by her God of her congregation.
USE OF PRIVILEGE
- Treats her like a servant; makes all of the “big” decisions.
- Threatens to “out” the victim if it is a same-sex relationship.
- Mis-translates information if the woman has limited English proficiency.
- Withholds medical attention or necessary intervention if the woman has a mental illness or physical or communicative disability.
- Uses social status or job/status in the community to question her credibility.
- Uses racial or ethnic slurs within an interracial couple.
- Threatens her immigration status.
IF YOUR LIFE IS IN DANGER PLEASE CALL 000
EMOTIONAL/ PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE
- Includes behaviour and actions. Comments to undermine your sense of self and destroy your self confidence and worth.
FINANCIAL ABUSE
- Occurs when the abuser takes control over your financial resources. This may include not allowing you to work or controlling the money you earn or spend. E.g. “I saw you took money out of the account. Why did you do that?”
SOCIAL ABUSE
- Is when the abuser criticises, jokes about or puts you down in front of family, friends, work friends etc and/or controls where you go and who you see.
IF YOUR LIFE IS IN DANGER PLEASE CALL 000
TECHNOLOGY ABUSE
- Uses the use of technology, such as the internet, phones, computers, social media and surveillance devices (e.g. cameras, recording devices) to stalk, harass, intimidate or humiliate you. This also includes recording or sharing intimate images of you without your consent.
Produced by Toronto Legal Pty Ltd for the assistance of our clients.
You are welcome to download this information for later reading.